Reform Treaty Euroshambles

We had just resigned ourselves to the fact that even the considerable brainpower assembled in these Europhobic halls would not be enough to figure out what the heck actually happened at the European Council meeting that laid out the draft treaty on institutional reform to be negotiated at the IGC beginning in a week from now. Helpfully, Giscard d’Estaing clarified that, in essence, the new treaty is the constitution only we won’t call it that. Ok. Right. While that in itself takes a while to process, Italian interior minister Giuliano Amato pointed out, the Union’s leaders took an even bigger swing at our sanity. A few days ago he declared “EU leaders decided that the [treaty] should be unreadable. If it is unreadable, it is not constitutional…Should you succeed in understanding it at first sight there might be some reason for a referendum, because it would mean that there is something new.” Come again? Amato deserves a medal for pointing this out, also for saying that the underlying…well…logic was not a good idea. Let us step back and focus our Eurolenses: in essence, our leaders determined that the document should be written in impenetrable Eurobabble, because that is what will make it acceptable to European electorates, because what voters expect from Brussels is incomprehensible complexity. Now, we have paid attention in our Government 101 classes and cannot recall anybody ever suggesting that the way to transparent and democratic government is to be as opaque and undemocratic as possible. We remain puzzled by what is either sheer ignorance or stupidity or both – oh, and whoever provided whatever they are smoking over in Brussels: it is time to share!

FT moves beyond Silvio

We were deeply concerned at Europhobe that the toppling of Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi would result in some sort of drop in reporting on il bel paese. Luckily, Professore Prodi has managed to show the same sort of charisma that he displayed in his years in Brussels and hardly a day passes without Italy receiving some good mention in the international press. We were particularly grateful that such an erudite and sage publication as the Financial Times was able to cover Italy in a magazine cover story about “Naked Ambition” in “the land that feminism forgot.” Now that it has covered the rise of women in Italy, we look forward to future cover stories on football, pizza, and pasta reflecting its deep and thoughtful coverage of all things Italian. 

Unfortunately, it turns out that we could not resist including a picture of the gorgeous Thais Souza Wigger, one of the oppressed women mentioned in the article.

Portugal takes the baton….

Here at Europhobe, we have always been fans of the rotating presidencies and the focus in foreign affairs that they produce. In fact, we were very concerned about its potential loss in the new Constitution. Thankfully, the French had the good sense to bounce the paper that Monsieur Valery Giscard d’Estaing had written with them in mind (though, as he himself points out, the new document is merely “a constitution in disguise”) – the idea that everyone gets a go is pleasing and keeps things fair (we’re all about fairness here). It is also very helpful in dealing with the world, as it keeps them all on their toes – never knowing who is taking them helm or where they will guide the European ship.

Proof of why it is such a good idea was lucidly laid before us recently in new Presidency leader and Portuguese Prime Minister Jose Socrates (who according to the BBC is a “bit dishy” – and who says English isn’t the language of romance?), who is eager to move beyond the “deadlocks and blockages” in foreign policy priorities and therefore omitted Russia (“special emphasis” should instead be placed on Brazil, Africa and Euromed). We are grateful for this minor shift in priorities, as Russia really isn’t a priority for the EU, and Mr. Putin has only ever been friendly towards us and his other neighbours. Such coherence and consistency is what guarantees we will achieve things on the world stage.

Liberal MEPs with nothing to do?

Like the European Union (and I suppose hookers in a way), we are always seeking new ways to get ourselves out there – so we assiduously trawl the internet for blogs that we can link to (though we are noticing, like the EU, that this can be a rather thankless task). We were highly amused to note, however, that it seems as though it is mostly Liberal MEPs who have blogs (or at least those are the first that show up when one Googles “blogs MEP”) and here are the first that showed up: Richard Corbett, Graham Watson, Chris Davies and Sajjad Karim.  

Does this mean that the Liberal MEPs are the only ones with the time on their hands to do such things (aside from yours truly whose time – like the EU’s – is there to be used up in translation) – or does it mean that liberal supporters are the only ones sitting around with the time to read such things? We would rather not speculate, but instead point you all to the charming David Davis MP’s sage ramblings, who ends today’s post with an accommodating cry: “The time has come for British citizens of all colours and religions to say as one that anyone who wanting to live in Britain should be prepared to respect the culture and way of life. Those who don’t should be strongly encouraged to go elsewhere.”   

And here’s a picture of Mr. Davis scampering up a wall to get away from the rivers of migrants.

An Ode to Joy

The draft treaty on EU institutional reform, which was agreed last month, does neither mention the EU Flag nor the EU anthem (Beethoven’s Ode to Joy). Both were supposed to be lifted into the lofty sphere of official EU symbols in the abandoned constitution. While it is unlikely that any of the more than 450m citizens of this magnificent union will notice, the most likely reaction if they did would be a ‘so what?’ before they went back to go about their business. Enter the European Parliament, a.k.a The Seat of Euroconsciousness. Given their less than impressive powers, MEPs understand the importance of symbolism and resolved to draw a line in the Brussels sandpit. “Why not give the parliament…an avant-garde role in [flying the flag and playing the anthem]?”, mused German MEP Jo Leinen. Our initial reaction was to draw up a list of ‘why nots’ and send it to good old Jo. However, we got bored after 10 pages. Instead we recommend that the EP spends some serious Euros and gets a top-notch PA system so that they can really crank up the anthem. It should drown out the noises of the avant-gardists. An Ode to Joy? It might just be.

Engage Hamas!

We are God-fearing sort here at Europhobe, so when our respectable – and surprisingly, British – friends at the Centre for European Reform start telling us that the EU should engage with Hamas (another God-fearing bunch), well, we have to sit up (or read, or whatever) and listen. Luckily, the CER is able to display the clarity that we have grown accustomed to in European thinking and point out that Hamas’ minor flaws are that it refuses “to recognize Israel’s right to exist, its links to violence and terror, and numerous rocket attacks on Israelis.” None of these are of course deal-breakers and anyway, “the very process of talks with Hamas could have a transformational effect on the organisation.” Process has served us so well thus far in drawing Iran away from its more disagreeable desires, of course it will work in Palestine.

A Non-Imperial Empire

Euro-stud Barroso called it like it is today finally showing he has the chutzpah to come out and say what we have all known for a long time: that Europe is the “first non-imperial empire.” Such clarity is the trademark of a man who has flourished from his humble roots as a Maoist student activist to the giddy heights of Mr. Quasi-Europe. 

Until now, we were operating on the assumption that we some sort of weird grouping of nations pretending to be autonomous while wholly dependent on the Americans to protect us. Thankfully, a Swedish sex-bomb was on hand to remind us that we have to be either a “genius or French to understand the construction” of the Union.

Euro-Hurrah!

Today is the first day for the rest of our lives of being Europeans trapped in an increasingly eurocratic euroland. We should celebrate this, but are cursed by the reality of our situation. We will use this to rail cogently, but not always correctly or truthfully, about the proliferating euro-eccentricity that we encounter in our daily eurocratic eurofixated lives.